I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.