It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"