I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I could fuck to npr.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.