so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!