So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.