3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
