I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
