NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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