I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
