I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
