I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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