He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
