Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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