he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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