your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
