My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
