I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
