Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
