I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
