Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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