I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
