Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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