I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
