seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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