hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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