New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
