Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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