I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
