why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
