Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
