I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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