he thought i was a dude.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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