Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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