I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
