You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
