tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
