The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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