Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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