Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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