just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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