Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
