my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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