Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize