I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
