there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
