No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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