Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
