Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
