There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
