And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
