oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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