some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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