in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
