this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
