I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
