she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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