"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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