She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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