I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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