It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
