I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
